Wednesday, March 29

i think i need some Anger Management therapy. rui, maybe u wanna test out ur treatment plan on me?

i'm damn pissed off with someone, and myself as well. urghhhh!! Anybody can become angry - that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy - Aristotle.

it's not the first time i'm so pissed with that person... and i'm sure that person may be pissed off with me as well. every time we get angry, we are poisoning our own system as well. can imagine my system is already blackened by now.

to whom it may or may not concern:
"if we focus too much on ourselves, we would not have time for others."
-Mother Teresa

(yeah as if u care)

super pekcek with myself! very unproductive (no pun intended) these days. have lotsa reports and assignments waiting for me to clear and i still havent finished even one! wtf. avolition. seriously need some MOHOism integrated in me.

yesterday is gone. tomorrow has not yet come. i have only TODAY.

are you sick of hearing me complain? cuz i am sick of hearing myself complain. to me, complaining is like a sign of weakness and a self indulgence behaviour. so, stop it!

feelin all sorts negative emotional states - resentment, anger, frustration, worry, disappointment, justified or not, are taking a toll on my heart, brain and body. i shall not let these rob my health!!!

so if we can't express it or repress it, what do we do when we feel angry? the answer is to recognize the anger, but choose to respond to the situation differently. yeah easier said than done, right? but i'll try to. i will try not to get frustrated because there is no point being pissed off.

Pissed off or not, still have to face it so why not be calm and collected?

*sigh* i think that one will ultimately have to depend on himself or herself for almost everything. do you share your woes or despair with someone else? i don't. cuz I refuse to. in fact, it just seems so minor compared to others who have to worry abt their survival in this world.

can one bear his or her suffering by herself or himself? maybe... because no one is going to be there for you all the time (except God).

for the times that i really hope that some help will appear, it never did. So i am TOTALLY convinced that we must never expect or even hope for help becuz some things you can actually figure it out urself. just that you will have quite a hard time. the good thing is that you will eventually get stronger emotionally... and that life still has to go on with or without pain.

terrible and wretched as i may feel, i will just hafta tell myself that i will be fine.

can you read or feel what others are feeling? have you ever tried evaluating why you feel this way in a particular situation? why do you feel unhappy? why do you feel sad? we got to get to know ourselves better before we even try evaluating others.
fUnK-p` dropped a tear at 3/29/2006 07:53:00 PM

Saturday, March 18

--edited--

silver's latest entry is depressing :(

i guess i will understand and arrange my scattered pieces jigsaw pieces to form my own picture. it's all about time. it's is all about patience and hope. for when one loses hope, your picture has already been painted black by urself.

O*T route 不好走
早知如此 何必当初
不如做个普通的大学生算了
人也会开心一点儿
睡眠也多一点儿
薪水也会高一点儿
时间也多一点儿
已经走到半路了
不如走完
但是路途坎坷
kek sim ah!

sometimes things happened just because pple have priorities that differ. you are not the other person, so u would not know why the person chooses to live his or her life this way.

all of us are given choices in life. sometimes we are the ones who limit ourselves to that single opportunity in life. we just cannot see that alternative way out. we can either continue with the tough journey or decide to leave the hurt and pain behind and choose to be a lighter, more carefree soul.

however, i strongly believe that there will always be something that'll keep you going on and on. doesn't matter how low you fall, how ugly everything arounds you turns into, there's that tiny blooming voice in your head, giving you all the reason to go on...

gambatte, my dear otties.

ok now OT aside...

presenting my cuzzie~
leexinyan!

click on pic for a larger view :D
fUnK-p` dropped a tear at 3/18/2006 09:09:00 PM

Thursday, March 16

i believe that if i would like to get to know a person better as a friend, i should just talk more to the person face to face. more than often, it is the simplest yet least used method. everyone seems to be busy these days, including myself. haha :D

it is a rather nervous feeling sometimes cuz u will never know how someone will see the real you. but well, its just extending your hand of friendship to the person. it is about letting down your guard and just be yourself.

just dig out that courage and talk to the person. urgh!
fUnK-p` dropped a tear at 3/16/2006 10:53:00 PM

Monday, March 13

fUnK-p` dropped a tear at 3/13/2006 12:01:00 AM

Thursday, March 9

you know hor, our lives are basically surrounded by a wave of overexpection leh. because we see movie on the big screen in cinema everything also very perfect mah. the hair perfect, the body perfect, everything lah. nbcb, so in real life with this kind of expectation.. we sure die one lah. agree or not?

so the more we see tv, the more we want high-high expectation in real life loh. people got snow la, people got big big stars and moon in their sky, go drench in the rain cannot get sick wan, siao ah.. you try to drench in the rain and see, tomolo sure got fever until like wan to die like that. see, all that hollywood people all got many much money and live in banga-low with swimming poo and we still stay in small small house. wahlan eh, i think it's not fair lo, they live like with many money because they show us a life we cannot have mah. every day and night also we dream we want to live in big big houses by the sea, watch very big big stars, drive felali...

but &^%$#@#^*&% we never get that one. think already also very sad.

ok come back.

talking abt high high expectation. cannot reach that kind of expectation.. kena tekan will die one you know. but in movie, they cannot die wan, like jackie chan. wahlau eh so they suka suka set high high expectation.. i jump jump jump oso cannot reach. really wan me to die. like want to kill myself liao.

(ok, come back to norm norm engerish)

Yes... we fall, we learn. but this time, the fall was unexpected. i felt that it was super unjustified. i felt maligned, accused and misunderstood. fark.

life was never meant to be comfortable, as we always use to say. the shadows will always remain, the disappointment and hurt will never be erased, but there is so much more to expect. i hope that the fiery optimist in me will always be there, holding on tightly to what can only be put into words as passionate hope, fighting hard to fulfil the dreams and aspirations that were the fuel of my life. to think i was so certain it when i chose this route, like a mast of undaunted strength that i thought could help me overcome adversities during these three years. but no, i was so damn wrong.

anyway, i must not let myself down. i must not lose courage (in fact, i think there aint much left.) i have learnt to take things in my stride. i'm trying hard not to dwell in the turmoil of emotions, but stand in the face of adversity and move on. but hor, sometimes, easier said than done leh.

dunno why this time i lose control. last time not like that wan leh. can i request for the ability to NOT shed tears?

i can still remember my previous clinical experience. at that time, my defence mechanism against the external tirade had made me numb and hardened, but it has also taught me how to be strong. anyway, it's a different case in comparison to this one. at least at that time, i have the chance to speak up for myself and he listened to what i have to say.

no worries, me not gonna commit suicide. not even thinking abt it at all. and fuck no, i'm not denying the truth. i have so much things i wanna do in life. no, i havent started living a life yet.
fUnK-p` dropped a tear at 3/09/2006 06:59:00 PM

Sunday, March 5

i have wasted my weekend entirely. wat the hell have i been doing?!

i am tired of reading up for clinicals. it's neverending. wat's the point of trying so hard when i cant seem get those stuff into my head?! furthermore, treatment protocols in theory are different from those in reality... so watever i tell them are wrong.. wth. urghhh!!!

some random thoughts...

it sets me thinking why is everyone striving to achieve so much, only to be reduced to nothingness (okay, perhaps ashes and bones are still matter, so we are are not that "nothing" after all).

we are consistently being told by our elders to eat more to grow "bigger", but only to be reduced to a heap of bones and ashes in the end.

guys want to achieve that six-packs, biceps and triceps, all only to be reduced to carbon dioxide and water vapour in the end.

girls always have so many material wants (not me, if u noe me well enough), and they are ever increasing and never seem to be satisfied. we all know that we would die, but yet we still want so much.

human beings are so superficial.

so what if you are smarter than me, stronger than me, better looking than me, more talented than me? at the end of the day, all of us would be reduced to just a heap of ashes. and bones of course.

it just make no sense for us to keep on achieving, only to lose them all in the end.

*sigh*

life sucks, yeah?
fUnK-p` dropped a tear at 3/05/2006 07:05:00 PM

Saturday, March 4

the birthday girl~!

DD a.k.a. fairies + g*race

lo*uis, ya*nling, me*ilay.. havent seen ya*nling for a loooong time!

me, sharon, mei, h*elena, k*itty

that busy birthday girl...

wahahahahha.. machiam CNY rite..

the following are some threesome pics... LOL! was self-entertaining the whole nite :D

the 3 of us were so boliao...

me, j*acq, r*ach

j*oleen, me, l*iying

me, a*deline, c*hristina

the t*emasek jc gals with bday gal~!

y*iqi was the reddest that nite.. LOL! (s*tel was the second) this woman didnt even touch a drop of alcohol... she's sun-burnt la -_-'''

the clique without y*iqi..

4some.. wahahahahaha :D

late at nite...

woohoo!!! *wolf whistle*

i took this pic... got 'feel' hor?

am i really studying? LOL!

s*tel wanted to stay up to study with me.. in the end...

she was the first one to zonk out!

c*arrie

hahaha... wear specs oso want to take pic... :D

fUnK-p` dropped a tear at 3/04/2006 06:33:00 PM