F.A.R. F.R.O.M. H.E.A.V.E.N.

Friday, October 28

i think that i have psychosis (rational thought and perception severely impaired) as i have lack of insight to my own condition. this is really bad, isn't it?

i'm increasingly unable to control how i feel. i know that i can never my emotions well. it irritates me that i am feeling irritated and i just end up feeling super irritated. i tried to control how i feel with my mind sometimes. but i think I am losing control of how i want myself to feel and this unnerves me. greatly. i surprised myself on many occasions with my personal thoughts. i think i am beginning to understand myself more. or should i say that i seek to understand myself? and question why i would think in a particular manner...

i am sinking. the pain, hurt, disappointments and anger are killing me. why am i allowing them to break me? i want to come out feeling stronger. but apparently, i can't and i dun think i can. i should jus STOP deceiving myself that i can do it when i know i can't. maybe i should let go and not be so hard on myself. (is it hard to let go? like duh.) i am wondering what i have to do. i need a nice, warm light that guides me through this thick fog.

Ready or not, someday it will all come to an end. There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days, i'm sure.

did i mention that today marked the beginning of my exams? had physio paper jus now. screwed up my stroke essay. severe mental block. and i didnt get my facts rite. urgh. not confident for my mcqs as well. *roars*

have been having motion sickness recently. everytime i will throw up in skool after an hour of the torturous bus 72 trip. or issit the skool that's makin me sick? and the first thing when i get up from bed every morning is to go to the toilet and puke. wat's wrong with me man?! stress... stress.. stress..

this is a super fcuked up entry. i am feeling very tired and drained now.

fUnK-p` dropped a tear at 10/28/2005 07:20:00 PM

Saturday, October 22

last few days was madness... serious sleep deficiency :(

time spent sleeping per day

tue - 150 min
wed - 90 min
thur- 0 min!!!!

Grand Total of 240 min (or 4 hours of sleep for 3 days!)
Average of 80 min ( or 1 hr 10 min) of sleep each day!

stayed up the whole nite on thur to finish my clinical reasoning report and OT assessment tool report.. den didnt prepare for the fri morning's pract test .. so jialat.. luckily didnt screw it up and manage to scrape through, though i went with my heavy eyelids and a tired brain. haiz.. imagine exposing ur face to the vicious UV rays from the comp screen for 3 nites... -pengz- btw, did i get darker? LOL! was battling with the reports on Robert's case armed with the stacks of journals and books that were strewn all over my table, floor and BED.. *faints* damn siannn... think my treatment plan was totally crap... but in the first place, my treatment goal for him is so OFF lah... *sighs* didnt care about editing my report though my lecturer mentioned that writing GARBAGE will be penalised... oh well... watever la. it's oredi done and submitted liao... YAY! and many thanks to those whom were online in MSN to let me know that i'm not alone... muahahahhhahahahaha!!!

i was glad to see everyone cheery and lively after class yesterday :))) we were all so solemn and stressed up for the past week cuz of BSM pract and those reports.. but now we're finally done with those shit assignments, reports and projects. left with Mobility pract test and the written papers... hmMpH. enjoyed the mobility practice we had in the afternoon... havent done that 'ITS OK~ LEAN ON ME' stuff for a long time... LOL.

didnt think i would be affected by the bsm pract results as long as i passed. but i was wrong. *sighs* why didnt i control my anxiety and nervousness?! haiz... felt so hopeless and helpless can. damn stressed up for MOBILITY pract test.. can imagine my lecturer will simulate those medical conditions and jus FLOP here and there.. then i will probably DROP my lecturer while transferring them on the w/c or watsoever.. -pengz- i lack the physical strength and i cant compensate with my skills as well. if only my physical cues can be better! *sighs*

harvested my xiao-bai-cai from the hydroponics le... haa~ my mum was so excited about cooking it... >_<''' summore ask me grow more so no need buy veggie liao.. lol*

my xiao bai cai, a.k.a. cai xiao bai or siao bye chye ;)

heez~!

some leaves kinda wrinkled... *sad* :(

some pics taken on last thur...

rui is in love with the skeleton..

jess t and rui~

shujun and her buddy...

preparing for self maintenance pract test...

irene blur as usual. jess h and xinyi on the plinth..

these ppl tryin to imitate someone...

me and sil showing off our twin crocs :P

us again~!

this xiaoqiang appeared from god-knows-where in my room and lay motionlessly on the floor. it must be dead, i thought. unconvinced, my bro sprayed baygon on it and the cockroach actually came back to life! damn! den he helped me kill it.. muahahahahhaha!!! *evil laffter*

yeah, this is the stchoopid xiaoqiang... -_-'''

haa~! machiam advertisement hor?

fUnK-p` dropped a tear at 10/22/2005 06:38:00 PM

Sunday, October 9

urghhhh... why is there so much work to do... @#%$%*^%

still struggling with my occ as therapy report.. i'm jus halfway through.. urgh! havent even touched my combined report for CR and OT Ax . good that entrepreneurship report is group work.. if not can die man.

coming up...

4 pract tests - 2 self maintenance, biomechnical & sensorimotor and mobility.
cannot make it man... i'm a slow learner can:( @#%$%*^%

4 papers - about 8 modules to study... ?!?!?! @#%$%*^%

grumble so much but i still do it wad.
*sighs*
tahan for the next few weeks and it'll be over...

@#%$%*^%@*$#%$%*^%@#%$%*^%@#%$%*^%@#%$%*^%@*$#%$%*^%@#%$%*^%@#%$%*^%@#%$%*^%@*$#%$%%%%%^#@!*^%@#%$%*^%@#%$%*^%@#%$%*^%@*$#%$%*^%@#%$%*^%@#%$%*^%@#%$%*^%@*$#%$%*^%@#%$%*^%&@#%$%*^%@#%$%*^%@*$#%$%*^%@#%$%*^%@#%$%*^%@#%$%*^%@*$#%$%%#$#*^%@#%$%*^%@#%$%*^%@#%$%*^@*$#%$%*^%@#%$%*^%@#%$%*^%@#%$%*^%@*$#%$%*^%@#%$%*^%@#%$%*^%@#%$%*^%@*$#%$%*^%@#%$

fUnK-p` dropped a tear at 10/09/2005 09:35:00 PM

Sunday, October 2

i'm really shagged. spent my whole day doing PPR proj... kinda satisfied with my work.. lol* wonder wat it wld be like if i were to study computing... now in OT oredi stuck to comp screen doing projs for so long~ won't it be worse if i study computing.. *sighs*

physio pract exam was finally over! it was definitely much better than my written test! hopefully can pull up my D+ i got that time (yeah wat a lousy grade i noe)! i only started memorising and muggin very hard the nite before... as compared to my written test which i started a week before lo.

had an interesting caregiving lesson whereby we were supposed to speak in a diff lang/dialect relevant in our local context. i choose Tamil... LOL. thanx inthu who helped me with it... she's so kind and patient! my lecturer commented that i have that tamil slang... damn funny! quite fun la.. but somehow i was still quite stressed cuz we're graded mah... haiz~ anyway, i really wanna polish up on my Hokkien and learn Canto! eh XINYAN... i borrow ur canto book to photocopy hor. hahahaha!

met up with quartet on fri nite to celebrate Gladys' birthday ;) went to feast at sakae then proceeded to Garlic Restaurant at esplanade for our desserts ... lol*

here are the pics...
(i have done some effects for some pics... haha~)